More of my favorite quotes from Mark Twain. Just as relevant and hilarious today. Let me know which ones resonate with you.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
But in this country we have one great privilege which they don't have in other countries. When a thing gets to be absolutely unbearable the people can rise up and throw it off. That's the finest asset we've got--the ballot box.
Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
No party holds the privilege of dictating to me how I shall vote. If loyalty to party is a form of patriotism, I am no patriot. If there is any valuable difference between a monarchist and an American, it lies in the theory that the American can decide for himself what is patriotic and what isn't. I claim that difference. I am the only person in the sixty millions that is privileged to dictate my patriotism.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
Man is the only creature who has the ability to blush or the need.
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman knows.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
It is easier to stay out than get out.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.